About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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