well I can't set my house on fire every night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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