I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
