wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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