Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just google imaged poop.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
