their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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