What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The Olympian is in my bed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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