im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
