i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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