god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
