You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
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I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
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I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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