I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
