All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
