I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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