Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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