just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
