I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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