i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
