How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
