just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She even gives head with a lisp.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
