Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
