I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
