Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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