They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
