I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
