Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
