Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She made me pour olive oil on her.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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