wat bout pragnant strippers??
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
