Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
