i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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