Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
