Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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