"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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