woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
