My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
