I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
