I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
