Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
