I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
