I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
