do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
