Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
