Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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