His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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