Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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