the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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