I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
