and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Girls should come with a carfax report
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
