Just fell off a train. Bad.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
