If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
