my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
