And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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