Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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