I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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