I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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