You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
