I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
