I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore