his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
