All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.