things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just invented taco cereal.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend