He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did