How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER