i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off