you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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