I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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