i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
