i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
