well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
