id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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