Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
