Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
