And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
