I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
