Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
