I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
