I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
