Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Randomize
