yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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