I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just invented taco cereal.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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