if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
