How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
