what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Let's get the cat blown out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
