I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
