literally had 100 drinks last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
