My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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